i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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