ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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