this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have post one night stand depression
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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