Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
