that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
