You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
