I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
