I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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