Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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