She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
