i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
