when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
