Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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