U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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