A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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