He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
