I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
