I could make wine with my vomit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
