My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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