the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
