there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
