I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
