its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
