You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
