I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
