His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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