i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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