9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
