You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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