Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.