My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work