My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
