Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch