So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?