Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do