ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
