I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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