can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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