someone threw a dead crab at me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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