Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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