you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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