Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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