eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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