just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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