two words...techno handjob
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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