Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
