And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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