My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
