I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
