I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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