It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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