Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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