Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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