Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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