Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We are two peas in an std pod
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize