im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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