A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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