one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
