I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
