I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
