dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I understand Curling. That high.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
