Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
