Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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