That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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