Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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