I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
