i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
