Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
