Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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