my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
