its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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