The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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