i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize