wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
