I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ugly people sure do ruin things
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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