Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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