Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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